Blessed

I really am just so blessed. God has taken impecable care of me over the past 7 months  fforever! I am with my little man (and big man) all day everyday. It has been an extreme gift to us that Jimmy has been well recovered for quite some time now and we are able to reconnect as a family. We really only lived together 3 months as a married couple. Let's be honest (anyone who saw him up until august) Jimmy was under the influence of extreme narcotics for a very long time. I find my self remembering a funny story or something we talked about and sharing it with him and his response is sweetly "honey, I don't remember that". I have so much enjoyed spending 24/7 with my boys.

As I sit here and type this I am sitting in the bed with Jameson by my side. He was supposed to be asleep but had some crazy wiggles so I put him in the bed for him to have it out. As I look down at the innocent little face it hits me. These could always have been our moments. Just Jameson and I. No Jimmy. It really didn't hit me until his birthday that he could have not made it home. He could have come home in a wooden box. At times I get incredibly sad at that prospect and sometimes I get so overly excited and happy for what we are now going to be able to enjoy. It's a weird thought most often because I know most would tell me how morbid that is or feel sorry about it.

When Jimmy was gone I would have a few times where I'd catch myself rubbing my ever growing belly and thinking "God, what the hell am I going to do if something happens to Jimmy?" I would think about job plans (since We already decided I would stay home with him), and what it would be like to only be the two of us. I was worried I wouldn't be able to explain who his dad was or how much I loved and cared for him. But what I really found out was.... God has a plan. Even on the darkest days at the hospital i would rub my belly and little Jameson would kick or squirm and wiggle. Just like tonight. I am so thrilled to live my life with my husband and baby and enjoy each other.

Next time you want to argue, or lose patients, say something hurtful, or wish you could just be alone, think about what would happen if they were no longer there. It really makes you want to live for the present. Have fun, laughter filled days every day. Every morning Jameson wakes me up with his cooing, I put him in bed because I just can't get up completely yet, then he puts his tiny hands on either side of my face and blabs. After I wake up Jameson and I wake up Jimmy, he responds by giving me my morning kiss and saying Good Morning Jameson and Jameson grins from ear to ear. These moments are so very precious and something I almost didn't have. I thank God for everything we have been given. Our outlook on life is exciting and new and thankful. A Great way to live each day.