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Sunday, June 1, 2014

High Needs

So, I'm just going to throw this out there! A woman in my moms group has SAVED my life!!!!!! 

I feel like you think I'm being dramatic, but the emotions that I have experienced in the past year of my sweet Daughter's life are such that she has SAVED my life. 

High Needs Baby/Child.... Never heard of it.

My sweet Mollie to a T!!!!!

I have done nothing but research and read and cry and laugh because it describes me and my family's journey of learning about our sweet Mollie. 

I mean common we've been calling her a sour patch kid for heaven's sake 
(First they're sour then they're sweet)

I literally laughed, through the tears of being run down, sleep deprived, and at the end of my rope with her screaming, while reading this Pop Quiz.

Do any of the following sound familiar?
  • Your baby would rather observe the world around her from the vantage point of your arms (While in a sling. Bouncing. And nursing.).
  • When he’s hungry, wet, irritated, overwhelmed, or bored, he isn’t shy about letting you know, long and loud.
  • Sleeping through the night is a term you think you’ve heard before, but certainly haven’t experienced anytime recently.
  • His nicknames all include the words fuss, cranky, or grumpy in some way, shape or form.
  • At any given playgroup, your child will be the one clinging desperately to your leg and/or verbally or non-verbally insisting on going home.
  • The food she loved yesterday makes her gag oh-so-cutely today. Oh, and tomorrow she can’t get enough of it.
  • You don’t understand the phrase “Enjoy the newborn stage, it’s passes so quickly”. To you that’s like saying “Enjoy having your appendix removed, the recovery period passes so quickly”.
  • The soothing techniques you’ve tried include but are not limited to bouncing like a maniac on an exercise ball, swinging the car seat to a height just short of dangerous, and frantically hissing in your baby’s ear.
If you can relate to any of the above, congratulations! You probably have a high need baby!
I have also been reading so much literature from Dr. Sears. 
I have a lot to learn about how to love and survive and to better myself and my Mollie's day but I feel at least I'm not a lost, frantic, hysterical Mommy any more.
At least I can hope :)

Thursday, April 24, 2014

First Birthday

My Sweet Mollie on her 1st Birthday!
April 23rd Marks the end of our sweet girls 1st year of life!
What a crazy, fast, fun, challenging year it has been.
If you follow me on facebook or Instagram you know of the craziness that has ensued since this girl was born.

My sister was in town as we waited for this girl to make her entrance into the world. I was soooo uncomfortable the last 2 week or so, and since we didn't know anyone who could take care of Jameson over night, we had my sister come and join us and kept our fingers crossed that Mollie would arrive while she was still there.

Going into to the final weeks with Molls, I had some consistently unconsistant contractions. The Dr saw me at 37 weeks and swore that she wouldn't see me for my next appointment because I wouldn't make it that far. Totally jinxed it and I showed up to my next appt. The Dr. said that because my baby was soooooooooo big they wanted to induce me at 39 weeks. I was totally game. I had been induced with Jameson and was fine with that, exceeeept, the date of my induction would have been April 28th. This is the day my husband was shot. I really felt like it would be such a weird and conflicting mix of emotions to have our daughter born on that miserable day. My sister and I decided to look up ways to naturally induce labor in hopes of not making it to April 28th. These included getting on all fours and having my 2 year old jump on my back and swing my hips back and forth. Bhahah you can just imagine a beached whale swinging their hips with their baby on their back. Then we decided that maybe squats was the way to go. I decided it would be prudent of me to drop like it was hot in the kitchen for easier clean up. I showed up to my appt and the Dr was sure I was not making it past that day. She suggested we take a long walk. My sister and I loaded up and headed to the Mall. We walked quite a few laps and then I needed to call it. I was not feeling great and we were headed for lunch and nap time for Jameson. We made lunch and I was feeling some major contractions. I decided they were from being dehydrated and put Jameson down for nap. All through nap time I had those contractions coming but I could still function so they had to be false. About 4 hours later I decided to mention the contractions to Jill. She looked at me like I was the dumbest person alive for waiting that long and We better just go to the hospital to make sure.

Of course, this would be the day that my husband had his first day of Captain Career Course.

I arrived at the ghetto hospital that I was delivering in and showed up to Labor and Delivery. They asked If I was in Labor and I told them I thought I was. Well, apparently they don't believe you unless your dr sends you in labor or your water has broken. So there I wait. I finally got back to triage and they hook me up to monitors and explain that I "thought" I was in labor so they were going to go check on everyone else. When they came back they had to apologize because they left me sitting there for a looooong time while the contractions registered every minute. Yes, they were coming every minute with no breaks in between. At this point I figured I should call Jimmy and let him know.

I'm going to skip over some details of waiting and listening to rap music to make it through contractions before the epidural. Let's just say... thank you to Pitbull and Luda.

Miss Mollie arrived into the world at 2:30am and wiggled her way in. They told me to push once and then yelled to stop immediately. The nurses and Drs were laughing too hard to tell me what was happening but when they all wiped the tears from their eyes they told me that she wiggled her way into the world cheeks down.

I should have known her personality from the start ;)
Also, for those of you wondering here is the tutorial for the cake :)

Here is a sneak peek from her big girl room 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Psych Ward

The casualty assistance hotline calls you every 8 hours to update you on your soldiers status. They will call no matter what. If there is no change they will let you know and if there is change they will let you know any steps you need to take or what to expect next. They will call on the dot! Not before not after but on the dot every 8 hours.

They had called to let me know that they were working on the tarmac on keeping Jimmy's blood pressure stable enough to fly from Germany to the States. As long as he gets on that flight he will Land at Andrew's Air Force base and will be transported to Walter Reed (D.C). They told me he would be going to ward 64 and I could call them to find out when they accept people to visit ect.

As a panicked wife who was less scared now, and more excited I called over to Walter Reed. I got the operator and requested Ward 64. They transferred me. The man picked up and as my voice was shaking I said "My husband is on a flight from Germany and I was wondering if I could come as soon as he landed to see him. Where should I go? Do you accept visitors?" He paused a moment and said " Ma'am, is your Husband being committed?" I said "Say that again" He replied with "Ma'am this is the psych ward, is your husband being committed?"

I replied "I don't know, it's a really long flight from Germany, soooo maybe?!? I don't know they just told me this was the ward he was going to" The poor man asked me some questions and about 3 questions in he realized they told me the wrong ward and he'd be going to the Orthopedic Ward which was ward 54. He happily transferred me over to the Orthopedic ward.

They had a whoooooole lot more information for me. I was able to see him as soon as he was admitted :)

Thursday, April 10, 2014


Recently we had the privilege of taking off to the East coast for a 2 week vacation. It was lovely. I will recap our vacation a little later.

During our Vacation we got to hang out with dear friends. I left home when I got married to follow my husbands career and love doing that. However, I left behind the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. I have known all of these friends since elementary/middle/high school. They are the best.

This particular friend, though, I didn't know at all!

I'm not really sure how it all happened but it happened FAST! We went from not knowing each
other to me being her Maid of Honor in .02 seconds.

I had seen her at a few young woman's retreats I had been too and I knew that we had mutual friends, but other than that I had never talked to the girl. (Now I know where Jameson gets his lack of stranger danger ;)) I also knew that my brother knew her boyfriend and I had met him once.

Fast forward to when they got Engaged (don't really have to fast forward it was less than a year from when they met) I had met her for the first time and hung out with her fiancé for the 2nd/3rd time.

Obviously, this is the point that I decided that since she didn't have family that lived in the area I would take on throwing her a bridal shower! (riiiight, don't know her at all but am throwing a shower and playing games like - "How well do you know the bride?") It went smooth. I was pretty proud of throwing my first shower for a stranger.

Fast forward to planning the wedding time. She cornered me at the Navy/Notre Dame football game to ask me to be her Maid of Honor. She obviously did this for three reasons 1. All of her friends were in the Navy and stationed around the country, 2. I can't back out in person and 3. She clearly thought I had fantastic planning skills (Wedding Shower = top notch wedding planner)

I kid, I kid. I was happy to take on this roll and help this poor Naval Academy grad who had been surrounded by Men for the past 5 years :)

We had a short time frame to plan the wedding so naturally, we decided best we would just do sleepovers like middle school 3 times and the wedding would be planned. Mission Accomplished!
I did find it prudent to opt out of a Maid of honor speech of how long and sappy we were as friends seeing as we had 4 memories as friends thus far.

People would ask me how I knew her at the wedding and it would go a little something like this "Well, I met pat once, I didn't know Kate, but my brother definitely knew pat"

Moral of Story. Doesn't really matter how long you've known a person but the memories you cultivate and that you keep in touch regularly if you are not close :)

We all have become fabulous friends and they are the best people EVER! We sooo loved catching up with you and Jameson loved playing with friends.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Road Trips!

I like to think that I've grown in my road trip abilities.

While in college it started with a prompt leave time - no later than 7am. EVER! No stoping unless someone was barfing, bleeding, or dying. Orrrrrrr you need gas! The game of the road trip was to see how far you could get without stopping and can you beat the time of arrival given on your GPS. I could have gotten many a gold medals for those games and could definitely tell you how long you have after your gas light goes off until you needed gas.

Road trips more than 7-8 were always something that I needed to pump myself up for. I needed to get some good snacks, some quality caffeine, and a good mixed Cd. I still played the same games but occasionally would make a pit stop for the night at my Aunts house for some down time and let's be honest, who doesn't love stopping at Aunt Mons.

My sweet Car has over 90,000 miles on it. Purely from Road trips. It has made more trips to North Carolina and Ft. Benning then I can count. It has made round trip trips to Louisiana. It has moved us from MD to LA, LA to DC, DC to LA, LA to GA, and GA to IN. It has now made quite a few round trips back and forth from IN to MD.

On the trips from IN to MD (If I am riding solo with the littles) I will pitt stop for the Night in PA. Its just the right amount of time in the car for the littles and just enough of Raffi that I can take.

Well, we decided to make the full road trip from IN to MD yesterday. With the husband coming with us I was totally down since I knew I wasn't the one who would be driving. And really, what is 10 hours in the car with the littles?!?! BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The trip started much later than my normal 7am. We got on the road around 12:30pm. By 3 I knew my chances of having Jameson nap was ZERO. Mollie luckily napped for about 2 1/2 hours. That is the nap that counts for sleeping at night anyway. I knew things were going to get interesting when we ended up in a dead stop traffic jam. While my husband was getting frustrated and said "Sweet Jesus", as we saw all of the miles of back up, Jameson decided to shout "No Jesus, Jesus loves us". Cue the side eye from mommy to daddy and then the instant laughter. As we found an Alt route and went right around the mess we decided to stop. I got Mollie out so she could stretch a little and she let out 7 of the loudest, manliest burps of her life. Now, usually I'm not one to talk about my sweet daughter burping like a man, however, this indicates that Mollie's having some stomach issues and things could get a bit dicey later. It could include, constant high pitch screaming that can only be stopped by getting her out, screaming every time she tries to fall asleep because it hurts her but she passes out from crying, or PROJECTILE VOMIT (and lots of it).

Oh yes, about 2 hours after we had stopped I hear a strange noise coming from Mollie. I thought maybe her and Jameson were making faces at each other. I loosened my seatbelt, lifted myself, and wiggled up in the seat enough to turn around and see over the edge of her seat. As I looked down all I see is violent throw up launching to Jameson's car seat. It. just. keeps. coming!!!! She then starts to choke on said throw up. (Thank goodness for the weight I have lost). I threw off my seat belt and wiggled myself to the back seat. (No one can fit between the two carseats- no matter how skinny you are- so I am sideways with my head touching the dealing and my one leg over top of jameson's lap) Jameson decides this is the perfect time to play and comment on my shoes "Mom, your shoe is on my leg. Mom, your shoe is dirty"I got back there just in time for her to look at me and continue to violently throw up all over me (and her carseat that I had washed 2 days before :))

I was pretty confident that Jimmy was going to throw up by the time he could stop the car. The smell was foul. I also found it necessary to identify all of the food that she had eaten that day. "OMG jimmy it just keeps coming. I don't think she's breathing. No, she's breathing but that was a WHOLE blueberry, Ahhhhhh she ate a whole lot of corn at lunch. Can you believe full corn kernels. OMG Whole black beans! Oh Jimmy this is gross. Oh gosh, it just keeps coming." I'm not really sure why the poor guy was gagging. We got to a gas station and got mollie out. Jimmy starts to gag and has to walk away. (Not to mention 2 older women standing across from the car whispering- I was pretty sure child services was going to be called) I have mollie in the turnk, taking her clothes off in 30 degree weather to put her into warm, dry, and clean clothes. Jimmy is gagging and scrapping the lunch and breakfast out of the carseat. Jameson was singing to Raffi, unfazed by the whole episode. We let mollie chill for a few minutes and then decide to get back on the road. Luckily, that was the height of the excitement and they both fell asleep promptly at 8pm.

I still beat the GPS's ETA!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Ash Wednesday

I really looove Lent. I also loooove Easter. I love everything lent and Easter stand for. I find it much easier for me to really reflect and prepare my heart for Easter. I tend to think its' because all through lent you do not have the constant run around and craziness that comes with Advent and Christmas.

This year I decided that I was going to delete social media from my phone. I generally use it during down times and times when I need a "brain break". I really think deleting it will help me be present with my kids and husband.

As you all(probably) know, Mollie has proven to really be my sandpaper smoothing out my rough edges that need working on. The sleepless nights and unpredictable crying spells really has helped me work in my patience and survive off of little sleep. I DID NOT realize how often in the middle of the night I surf Facebook and Instagram while i'm rocking her so she will sleep, rocking her so she does not wake up the rest of the house, or wide awake after I have been up trying to comfort her for hours and now that she's asleep I'm wide awake.

I realized how often last night. I started my lenten scarifies at approximately. 12:01 am this morning. I was up rocking mollie and went to grab my phone to keep me awake and realized I had deleted all of the social media off my phone before I fell asleep. I then realized that it was the perfect time to start praying and planning and figuring out ways to make our days much brighter, our house more organized and tidy, prayers for all my dear friends and families going through things or just because. It really did become a peaceful time. (Not to mention Mollie was asleep :)) I fell asleep around 3 am and Mollie woke up to PARTY at 4:30am. Again, dying while having her play downstairs I went to flip through my phone to stay awake and dissapointed again. Now I had to be present. Although she started crying and continued for a good 3 hours I was able to be present with her and get her and Jameson dressed to get our ashes at 7:30 this morning.

We will not talk about how mass went.

Jameson cried all morning at the drop of a hat, ate me out of the house, and yawned while demanding "NO NAP!!!" ( No one had told him to take a nap) Here are the top 5 reasons my son was crying this morning.
1. he could not eat raw ground beef for a "nack"
2.He pooped and it smelled "yuck"
3. Mommy turned off the TV and he wanted to
4. Mollie touched him
5. Mommy put his jacket on "but moooooom, it not brrrr in here it warm"

Thank you children for making sure I can try my hardest to get to heaven today :)

Time for a weekend away! We all need a little change of scenery :)

Monday, March 3, 2014

Haters, gonna hate

Maybe someone can explain it to me? Maybe I just don't understand?

Why? Why the the constant war? Why all the bashing, judging, and  comparing?

Why the war against ourselves? Why the war of Women vs. Women?

I am a huge participant of the hate speech to myself. It needs to stop. NOW! I'm not making excuses but it has finally eaten me alive. Why do I have such hate speech to my self about the way I look or my weight, or how good of a wife or mother I am?

Today in particular was a hard day. Mollie was up last night screaming for a few hours, Jameson was up at the crack of dawn, Mollie refused naps, Jameson had accidents, my kitchen floor has food constantly ground into it, I'm exhausted for almost an entire YEAR of not sleeping through the night, and I have been doing two a day workouts and dieting to lose weight. I wasn't drowning today, I was just flat out laying on the bottom.

Then I saw a whole article on how all of these magazines and pictures are all airbrushed. Why are they freaking airbrushed? Why do you have to portray something that it's not? It made me mad. It made me mad that things like this put these terribly unrealistic ideas into women(and men) heads.

Please believe me when I say, I am not saying it is ok to be unhealthy and it is not ok to be killing yourself by being so healthy. But why can't society focus on being healthy. Why can't we have celebrities look like they look in magazines and pictures as long as they're living a healthy life style.

If I wasn't already upset here is the jist of a facebook post of an acquaintance(not speaking to me directly)- REAL Army wives are 200lbs. Eat a carrot and go for a walk for cryin' out loud. Do it for your families at least. If you are fat you probably have high blood pressure, cholesterol, ect.

Whoa buddy! First of all, I have not had ONE Army wife/Military spouse friend who was grossly overweight. In fact, I was the only one who was grossly over weight. My issue with the post is, Why do you need to judge or comment on someone's weight? Why do you feel that it's as easy as eating a carrot and taking a frickin' walk? Let me just tell you, I have eaten a carrot and taken a frickin' walk and I was still 300lbs. Thank you very much! I know it was unhealthy, I understand I was putting myself at great risk for other health concerns. However, you tell me exactly how you would have reacted and done things in a situation like mine. The first thing I have done when I have been out of said situation is get my health back on track, but honestly, that's none of your business. You don't know what anyone is going through or has gone through. So why tear people down?

I just don't get why we can't build each other up. I just don't get why we can't have a community of women who are supporting each other and encouraging one another. It may have to do with the fact that while you are working to get healthy you feel alone or isolated sometimes but lets join together and encourage and support and share what we know of how to get healthy and where to start and continue.

I'm thinking of starting a # on IG. To encourage, support, and bring together women. What do you think?